Breaking The Glass Ceiling

Today the Final MBBS Exam results for batch 2005/2010 came out . The end of their 5-year struggle. My former roomate texted me, sharing her good news. I logged on to facebook and saw the many congratulatory wishes & thank yous to God, parents, friends and everything else. Talk of celebration and 'rebellion' to studying are everywhere. As of today, they have finally obtained the right to be addressed as Doctor.

It could've been me.
I was once one of them.
But it was I who decided to pull myself out; to deal with other demons or i would probably be a corpse today.

I am happy for them, i really am. But i would be lying if i said the happiness isn't enshrouded by intense jealousy. I just really wish i was one of them. I wish i would be standing with them on stage at graduation.

Perhaps this is my pride talking. Looking at the bigger picture, i will become a doctor as well...only 1 year later. I hadn't failed. Things happen. Unforseen events. It can't be helped, and there is no blame to be put. Regardless, i can't help what i feel. Perhaps i could grieve and put these feelings to rest.

Things have not been working so smoothly the past few weeks...ever since the fire in our home in Penang. Though it wasn't major, but one can feel the stress eminating from mother & daughters. Everyone's busy, everyone's slammed with job/academic commitments. The tension is unavoidable. One has to bear it as long as it takes to make the house back to what it was.

It has been difficult for me to concentrate on what i'm doing. Restless boredom. The lability of my emotions draws me into seclusion...avoiding contact yet yearning it all the same.

Anyway. What does it take to break the glass ceiling? The unseen & unreal barriers to materializing ones dream. The exaggerated gravity of situations. The fear of failure. The irrational loathing towards certain departments. The inherent compulsion to procrastination.

Looks like i have a long way to go.