It has been over a year since i started my housemanship.
I have completed Orthopaedics.
I rocked though Surgery as team leader.
I crawled through Medicine, barely alive.
Currently I'm in Paediatrics, and a team leader once again.
If this were 5 years back, I would have been an MO by now; a fully qualified Medical Officer. Now that kinda puts a different perspective on things: I try to settle things and formulate plans on my own, but i discuss/seek approval from my superiors before carrying them out.
I've had my ups & downs.
I've had days when the nurses would find me crying in a corner due to stress and exhaustion (to put things in context: i've had 3-week stretches with no off days, i was functioning alone on most days in a ward that usually has 3 housemen, and i wasn't feeling satisfied because i couldn't learn much of anything as i was too busy doing the running-around donkey work & paperwork...i have no idea why UMMC does not take in more HOs, or if KKM has limited the number of HOs they send to UMMC yet flood other hospitals time & time again). I've had nights when i just couldn't sleep, and mornings where i would throw up before and when i got to work. On the other hand i had days when my bosses/superiors were extremely nice and frank to me, giving career advice. I've had the pleasure of working with and learning from many of the staffnurses. I've made (some) friends who have showed me incredible support, help me motivate and renew my self-belief when i had none; and i've drifted from some others from the sheer inability to find common time. I've had days when i don't even remember if i've eaten, only to be surprised by the hospital food servers with some fruit, milo, or an unclaimed meal.
But i want to remark on several patients and relatives who have warmed my heart, lighting up my days whenever i think of them.
1. There was a patient, whose surgery was postponed several times because of difficulty building her up nutritionally. It was my first few weeks, and i just wanted to insert a new branula for her to receive her TPN (simply put, intravenous nutrition). Out of the stress and despair, she got angry and just threw a fit, tired of being poked numerous times throughout her stay. I sat with her, i let her cry, and tried to see things from her side: away from her children, and husband, unable to eat, with a constant nagging tummy ache. I eventually convinced her to let me put the line in. Days later, she apologized for her outburst. I say her many times over the next several weeks, after her surgery and long recover, until it was time for me to leave that ward. I said goodbye to her, and wished her all the best. She thanked me. It meant a lot.
2. There was another lady, also a long-term patient whose dressing i had to change every other day. Once her skin got so bad, and it so happened that her dressing was delayed because i was waiting for supplies. She screamed and yelled and cried and threw things around the room because she felt neglected, mistreated. I sat with her. I let her yell at me. Thankfully the materials i was waiting for had arrived. She calmed down as i cleaned her up. Just like the other lady, i said goodbye before i left the ward. What surprised me was, weeks later, i just walked around visiting my friends at that ward, and this lady with a huge smile on her face waved at me "Dokter!!!". We talked for a while. During my oncalls there, she would always smile and wave whenever i passed by reviewing patients. My regret? I didn't manage to see her before she was discharged.
3. I had this patient who called me "Dr. Awesome". It really was amusing, and a teeeeeny bit embarrassing when he does that in front of my bosses. It always makes me laugh a little. I remember he was adventurous, and he was surprised i was a licensed scuba diver.
4. There was this elderly man, who i initially dreaded taking his blood in the mornings because he made too much of a fuss. Then i learnt something about his medical history (which i cant elaborate here due confidentiality), and i asked him more about it. He then told me about his wife, and how he cared for her after her stroke for years, until the day she passed. And now every day, he looks at her photo; he wants nothing more than to see her again. He had tears in his eyes, and said "hati jantan, u tak tau!". I cried with him. That built our rapport, and bloodtaking became easier...he said he wouldnt let anyone else take his blood because he says i dont cause too much pain. His daughter said the same thing. He didnt fault me when i failed that one day. This was during the time when we lacked manpower, and i was the only one they kept seeing in the ward, to the point his daughter asked, (almost in horror) "Doctor, don't you go home? What time do you finish?". The time came for him to be discharged, and i've explained some things several times to the daughter. I was rather pressed for time and she could sense that. So i'm back to my paperwork, and his daughter came behind the counter with a hopeful look and said, "Sorry, doctor, i know you are very busy. My father has been discharged, he really wants to see you and say thank you; he really likes you". Needless to say, i dropped whatever i was doing and met him, saying goodbyes & well-wishes...and i told him "i hope to see you again, uncle, but not in hospital!" And i said "the hospital is the only place where if we like you, we dont want to see you back in here"...They laughed, and headed home.
5. There was this cheerful old man; he has this calm air around him. His family members were always around, and they were nice and friendly to me although at this point in time, my contact with patients was limited to the morning bloodtakings, clarifying certain facts, and elective admissions. He was in and out quite a few times. In stark contrast to the majority of patients, he had kind words to say about the hospital staff : very attentive, rapid response. It honestly came as a surprise to me as i was used to hearing the opposite, day in and day out. When he was readmitted a few weeks later, i came into the room to set his line and draw some blood. His family saw me, smiled and said "Oh, doctor, i'm glad it's you". After a brief conversation and i did my thing, he said "thank you, you are very good, no pain!" with a satisfied look on his face...and i would always say, "boss, dont say that...its minimal pain...coz once other patients hear 'no pain', expectations go waaay up!"..and he'd laugh. Then came the time he was about to be discharged, and i was explaining a few things to him and family, he asked me how much longer before i complete my training, and then he said , "Doctor, i wish you all the best, and that you specialize one day. I hope i live long enough, and you will have a private practise somewhere, i would definitely want to come and see you". I was speechless; definitely uplifted my morale, renewed my hope and self-belief that i am actually doing something that benefits society, that i am doing good!
I guess those were the highlights. The good ones that i want to remember.
I guess i do like my job.....for the most part!
Tll next time, ciao!
