The Mandatory Pre-Wedding Course

You read that right.

Nope, I'm not getting married anytime soon.

Its been a long time since i've attended anything Islamic...(sounds bad, i know)...the last was probably back in high school...almost 10 years ago.

I've heard a lot of (negative) things about these courses..about how narrow & sexist the scope is, bringing the gender roles back to the olden days, how the speakers makes cheapshot jokes whenever it comes to sex....

I honestly did try to go into it objectively. Hoping to get some knowledge, or refresh what i already know.

I was rather disappointed.

We had 5-6 speakers scheduled for different topics.

Most of the speakers were sharing their experience working in the Pejabat Agama rather than adhering to the course contents (nerd alert!)...On one hand it had the effect of making the session less formal, but on the other hand i feel i didnt learn much at all. I guess i'll just rely on the handouts.

I don't mind dirty jokes. But in this context, i.e pre-wedding course, where the aim is to prepare young (presumed sexually inactive) couples for what lies ahead.....well, i expect a serious and informative discussion about sex. I may be biased because sexual & reproductive health is kinda my pet subject, being the daughter of an O&G specialist & being in the healthcare line myself....at times i felt i could deliver some of the content better/more accurately. Anyway. They kept emphasising on the wife's role of fulfilling her husband's sexual needs...barely mentioning Rasulullah's emphasis on foreplay. Basically the way it was presented, it was as if sexual satisfaction is the responsibility of the wife...or, like what the ustaz said, "jangan bengap" (dont be daft)

Then comes the polygamy talk/jokes. I accept that polygamy is allowed, so i understand the need to mention it during the course. But the way i see it, it doesnt need emphasis because it is merely an option IF the man is qualified for it. Bottomline, it is another marriage; all basic rules and concepts apply so lets just try learn the basis of one and make it work first.

Then there's the bit about maintaining good relationship with the in-laws...communication...prayers...paperwork...

Ooh...one of the other things that irked me was how much they emphasise on a wife's obedience. Don't get me wrong, i am not against that. But how come there wasn't as much emphasis on a husband's moral responsibility? Most of the emphasis on a husbands responsibility was focused on financial & material. And even THEN, the wife is encouraged to help out...the way the husband is expected to help with housework. They neglect to emphasise on how the husband is the head of the household, on how he is the role model as well as provider, and how he can lose his 'rights' over a wife if he has neglected his responsibility...which can be the basis for a wife to file for divorce.

Things like these makes me want to learn more about my religion and become an ustazah sometimes....just so my 2 cents worth would mean something.

I'm not here to question Islamic rulings/boundaries/standards/definition.

Lets just view this from a purely academic point of view.

The aim of these courses is to create good, healthy Islamic marriages and secondarily hope to reduce the rate of divorces by ensuring young couples know what they are getting into. It hopes to provide a reality check by sharing the procedures involved, sharing common problems encountered within the Pejabat Agama and the FAQs.

I think the course contents meet the objectives, but the presentation distracts & digress.

I think the interpretation of gender roles is rather literal with inequal emphasis of responsibilities, character and rights.

I think the procedures on marriage and divorce should be presented very clearly.

I think the topic on sexual relationship should be dealt with more structure and tact.

I think the course modules need to be more 'streamlined' & fine-tuned so that each component has equal representations.

Maybe if i'm up for it, i'll share the modules and my ideas to tweak it up.

As of now, I'm just waiting for my certificate to be ready....and waiting for Mr. Right of course :)