You Got Mail

My grandmother sent me an SMS earlier today saying a package just arrived for me from Australia. I've got a package!!! No, not a-dick-in-a-box a la Justin Timberlake, (neither do i wish to receive one...its just creepy) but rather a small parcel I've been expecting; a gift from my oldest friend in every way, Sufia.

And behold! As if right on cue (with reference to my previous post) it is a small Quran with english translation. Somehow i knew that that was the thing she wanted to give me...after all a few months back i did ask if she knew where i could get 1 for myself; and i wanted it to be in english, and prefereably not Shakespearean english, but she had given hers away to someone. Put it this way : if I was going to get a Quran from someone, it would either be from Sufia or MJ (Maktok Jumabee, my paternal grandmother).

A few months back, i received a package from the UK. This time it was academic; I had asked Ili Liyana for a copy of the BNF (British National Formulary) which is like a 'dictionary for drugs'...they get it f.o.c there while here in Malaysia the price is around RM100!!

Then a few weeks before that, i received the most adorable home-made (or at least self-modified) card from another of my favourite-test people on earth : Azlaili!!! All the way from Savannah, Georgia...partying in the USA. A card for no special occasion, just an old-fashioned token of friendship to say 'hey' and 'be happy' and 'all the best for everything'. Opening that little envelope made my day.

Isn't it fun to open mail, cards, and personal letters? Perhaps i'll take this moment to lament on the fact that most of the time nowadays the postal service is used for bills, formal application forms/notifications, advetisements and catalogues. At least this is the case for my mother back in Penang....and my grandmother in PJ (except that she looks forward to her subscription of National Geographic / TIME / Readers Digest among other things). I remember the days, about 15 years ago (damn! damn!) back in school, it was so much fun slipping Hari Raya or Chinese New Year or Deepavali or Christmas cards into my classmates' desk or bags. Or receiving birthday cards and presents....something tangible that i can hold.

Nowadays, with the advent of handphones, SMS, emails and social networking sites, all wishes are conveyed via Facebook wall, or hp inbox, or Friendster page. The most personal thing you'll get is a phone call, and I appreciate them dearly (especially due to its sheer scarcity). Quoting Azlaili, Facebook dilutes friendship. Technology is not without its perks, but i believe it is limited to the sake of connectivity and networking. Nothing can substitute face-to-face encounters. The best substitue to that are letters (not emails!!) and phone calls, because there is always that 'personal touch' and effort. I call often and I love to meet up, but I'm guilty of not writing...I hardly give presents coz I never know what to buy!

Perhaps I'll start sending out letters/cards like my friends, paying it forward. Reciprocity. That is the key to make anything work. Maybe it will even be therapeutic for me, and hopefully bring some joy in their lives. First, i'll have to imrpove my penmanship and buy nice cards coz it will be horrible for me to attempt 'decorating' them.

That's all. Till next time, good night.

24 = Jack Bauer?

Hahaha, I wish! Well its 2010, and I turn 24 in May. Does that mean i can also turn into super-cool multipotential CTU Federal Agent Jack Bauer, from the TV series 24? Unfortunately, no.
With a heavy heart I must admit that i am now in my mid-twenties... no longer a teen/adolescent...not even a young adult anymore.

Perhaps after 2 weeks of writing on heavy stuff (refer my previous posts) both on my blog & on my Facebook, i finally came to the realization (yet again) that :
1) i am not governing this country
2) i am not a politician
3) the decision-makers of Malaysia aren't listening to me speficially, thus what i have to say makes no difference whatsoever
4) last but not least, the most important of all........... I am still a medical student, undergrad, i am nobody...YET

And with that, i revert to lighter issues such as how much i adore the movie Sherlock Holmes, or my newfound admiration for the writings of Farish A. Noor, the chocolate fondue party i hosted in my hostel room, my awesome weekend with my favourite friend oNe, reflecting on my long overdue workout session....and perhaps most urgently (yet least impotant to me) my assignments & reports and their sneaky deadlines.

Nevermind that, what I do want to write about is this : I turn 24 this year, so what do i want to achieve? Here's a bunch of things i wanna do before i turn 30. In no particular order:
1) learn Mandarin
2) learn guitar
3) study the Al-Quran
4) lose weight!!!!
5) be able to cook basic meals
6) pave my way for medical-related community outreach programmes, or Drs without borders
7) decide & proceed with my post-grad specialty of choice
8) road trip around Malaysia (the Peninsular at least!)
9) back-packing / travel to Europe or US
10 ) revisit & relive my love of performing arts

10 things. Even if i dont manage to check all of them, i'll be happy. Also, i made it a point to write down only the things that are within my control; not things like get married & hv 2 kids & hv RM******* in my account & migrate to Maldives. I think my dreams are somewhat attainable, dont you think?

I guess that's all for tonight. I'd better get cracking on my case reports & prepare for the viva tomorrow. Wish me luck!!

Why, Malaysia, WHY!!!

Perhaps it is time for another blog post. Today i've been reading a lot about Malaysia's current 'hot' debate about The Herald, a Christian/Catholic publication wanting to use 'Allah' as a substitute word for God in their newspaper and Malay-language bibles. The Malaysian Courts have approved the use of 'Allah'; the reverend is smiling in victory and the government is planning to appeal the decision. The rakyat? Extremely divided; some furious, some preaching to others about how good it is, others say it really doesn't matter. To me, there are two parts to this :
1) Is it legal? YES, i agree with the courts. No need to overcrowd the jails.
2) Is it right? Is this morally correct? NO.

Mostof the arguments (that i've read) against the decision can be divided into 3 :
1) This act is tampering with the sanctity of Islam - I agree with this, and will elaborate later
2) This is an act of the Christians in an attempt to confuse/distort and destroy Islam - bullshit
3) This is a political strategy by UMNO to win the votes of the Malay majority once the court's verdict is overturned, thus they appear triumphant as defenders of Islam - i dont give 2 shits about politics

The people who support the decision give these reasons :
1) God has no objections to what He is called, because He is there for all mankind
2) The word 'Allah' itself predates Islam, and is still currently being used by those of other religions especially in the Arab countries
3) Other religions such has Sikhism also mentions Allah in their teachings, so 'Allah' is not exclusive to Islam

" What's in a name? That which we call a rose; by any other name would smell as sweet " - Romeo and Juliet, by William Shakespeare.

EVERYTHING is in a name. Although the quote rings true but to me, it only works in a private, smaller-scale. The minute you were born, before you even get to develop your own individuality, you've been given a name. Nicknames come and go, they change over time, but your name stays with you till the end. It becomes a part of you, and at a mere mention the people around you know who you are and have a mental picture of what you're like. You wouldn't call you kid 'girl' or 'boy' for the rest of their life; the name is a show of love. Say MAHATHIR and the world knows who i'm talking about. Say Prime Minister of Malaysia, and it could be one of many. Similarly, you say God, peeple relate it to who you pray to, 1 or many, trancending religion. You say ALLAH, anywhere in the world and they know you are referring to Allah in association with Islam. Common sense.

To Muslims, Allah is not just a word. It is an entity, the diety to ehom we pray to, who we come from, who we return to, The One and Only God. In Malaysia, most of the Christian subgroubs believe in The Holy Trinity; whereby God exists as or is a combination of 3 forms/entities, The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost/Spirit. In Nomine Patri, et Fili et Spiritus Sancti. The Father is God; Jesus Christ is The Son (of God) and is God's presence on earth, it is only through Jesus can they find God and salvation; The Holy Spirit is somewhere between the two...i dont know much, i aint Christian nor am I a theology major. Catholicism adds another prayer for the Holy Mother Mary.

In Netherlands back in 2007, Bishop Tiny Muskens wanted people to start referring to God as Allah. A survey in Netherland's biggest-selling newspaper De Telegraaf found 92% of the over 4000 people in the poll disagreed with the bishop, who also drew ridicule. One man wrote "sure. Let's call God Allah. Let's call a church a mosque and pray 5 times a say. Ramadan sounds like fun". Read the full article at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20279326/.

Naturally, the Christian community would respond :
http://www.christianpost.com/article/20070823/is-calling-the-christian-god-allah-wrong/index.html
In this article, they concluded that it is fundamentally WRONG to say Allah and God are the same, because of what i mentioned earlier (the different concept of God in both Islam and Christianity).

So I really don't see why Reverend Lawrence Andrew insists on using 'Allah'. Yes it WILL be confusing, but not to fully-practicing Muslims. What about new converts a.k.a muallafs? What about children? He insists that there is no suitable word to use for translation, that Tuhan or Lord is inadequate, that it does not convey what they wish to deliver. Let me ask you another question. You translate the bible to Tamil and Mandarin as well, but do you attempt to equate God to Krishna/Vishnu/Shiva/Murugan/Saraswathy or Buddha/Confucius? is it really a language barrier? Does it mean that much to you to use 'Allah', which is just a word to you, as a tool while on the other hand Allah is the centre and the holiest of our religious teachings? Does it really mean that much to you as it does to us?

The arguement that the word 'Allah' predates Islam, yes i agree. Yes, it is still being used in Arab countries by people of other religions to mean God...I say, SO WHAT? It is their culture, it doesnt bother them. Are we to absorb every single piece of foreign culture that remotely brushes against ours? Also, a simple Wikipedia search would tell you that in the Arab countries, when Christians use 'Allah', they use at as Allah al-'ab or Allah al-ibn to denote God the Father and God the Son, respectively. They have their own Arabic 'Bismillah' to say "In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost", their translation to In Nomine Patri, et Filli et Spiritus Sancti; whereas the Muslim 'Bismillah' translates as In the name of Allah, The Most Gracious and Most Merciful.

Is this just another political ploy? God I hope not (pun intended). If it is then it's just too much. It is a very delicate issue; everything is when it comes to any religion. Is it really the age-old conspiracy theory about Christians or Jews trying to destroy Islam? if you ask me, you'll find a conspiracy theory anywhere about anything if you look hard enough.

I guess that's it. I've said enough. At the end of they day, when you walk into a Christian house you're not gonna find an embroided 'Allah' on the wall, it's still a crucifix hanging up there.
Give it up.

My 2₵ on Fatine

OK so this may be a little late, but apparently even until now I can't let the topic slide.

I read an article somewhere on the internet where this supposedly conservative MP was backing Fatine up, urging her to return to Malaysia. He said something about Fatine being khunsa; of course many comments that followed the article protested greatly. Was Fatine/Fadzil really a khunsa? What IS a khunsa?

Back in school, especially when we were being thought about 'sembahyang jemaah', the definition of khunsa that was fed to our young minds was of a person with both male and female genitalia. A khunsa may be imam to women but not to men, and a khunsa may not marry unless to another khunsa (correct me if i'm wrong about the marriying part).

Now, after almost 5 years in Medical School, learning a brief stint of Embryology (the study of human development, from development of sperms/ovum to zygote, a mass of cells and eventually a fully-formed human being; and everything that can go wrong) as well as Paediatrics (especially with regard to genetic anomalies and congenital/birth defects) I can tell you that such condition does nit exist. No person has 2 external genitalia. However, what does happen is that a baby is born with Ambiguous Genitalia. To simplify, the clitoris may be large and looks like a penis, or the penis is small and that the scrotum is not formed properly and ends up looking like the labia. That, is just the genitals.

Usually it happens secondary to some form of hormonal irregularities, or abnormalities that occur during the reproductive development of the fetus. Some may physically appear like a normal female, but genetically they are XY and may have testes when further invastigated. Some may be XX, but due to an overactive adrenal gland they may look like men, with deep voices and a full beard, a penis-like clitoris, etc. Nowadays in the West, they call this group of people Intersex. I dont want to elaborate on the various different conditions, because i'm not planning to write a medcal textbook. Just google 'Intersex' and you'll get more than enough. or, read Jefferey Euginides' Pulitzer Prize-winning book, Middlesex. Available in Borders.

Anyway. Let me get to my point. For the transsexuals you see everywhere, like Fatine (I assume), most of them have none of the conditions I've mentioned above because otherwise they would definitely be treated either since birth or extremely-delayed puberty. These people believe they were born in the wrong body, assigned to the wrong gender. My question to you is : Are these people Intersex? can they be considered as Khunsa?

Before you answer, I want you to ponder for a moment. Do you believe in the soul? Do you believe in the mind? Do you ackhowledgne fields like Psychology and Psychiatry? If you answered YES, then you believe that the mind and the soul has its share of illness and troubles. Schizophrenic patients believe (among other things) that the government is tracking their every move. So severe is their belief that most of them (who hv not received treatment) live in fear, afraid to leave the house, never trusting people because anyone can be a government spy. These are their delusions; false and abnormal situations/events that they believe to be real. Now think about the transexual who looks at his own male body and think it is wrong, that they dont belong in this physique. He convinced that he is a woman, depite everything that points otherwise ; his family, his physique, his chromosomes, his hormones. In the West, this condition is known as Gender Dysphoric Disorder, and it is a psychiatric condition. After much extensive councelling, and if the psychological dilemma/trauma is still not lifted, only then Gender Reassignment is prescribed, starting with hormones and eventually surgery. No going back.

What happens in Malaysia is this : if you have the congenital abnormalities mentioned earlier, then gender 'altering' surgery is done; (female-male)the clitoris is shrunk n they'll be on hormones for life. Its not called gender reassignment. Gender reassignment per se such as for the trans community is illegal here. Psychiatric help, i'm not too sure but generally speaking there are waay too few psychiatrists around which is why not all hospitals have a psychiatry Department. So these trans individuals, what do they do? they take hormone pills which are most likely smuggled from Indonesia. they start dressing like women, talking like women, mixing around with women. Once the physical effects of the estrogen takes place, they start being marginalized because people aren't sure if they're men or women. Alpha-males, the "macho men' (whom I despise, for the record) will most definitely make them the butt of their jokes, or sodomize them as a show of 'power', because these people have 'castrated' themselves, by giving up their masculinity. From what i've read, these trans community have a hard time getting jobs due to discrimination (but i see them so ofther in Body Shop, trying to make me put on make-up) so they end up in the sex industry (think, Lorong Haji Taib).

Ok. Now that I've asked you to ponder on the definition on khunsa, intersex and gender dysphoria, i have another point to raise : if these people truly desire to become and live as a woman, meaning their sole concern is their gender itself, how come all of them behave as only 1 type of women, the so-called 'modern' 'chic' 'westernized' 'liberated' type? How come none of them live moderately, even conservatively/traditionally? If any of you watched the movie Transamerica, starring Felicity Huffman as a transsexual (her Oscar-nominated role), she lived her life quietly, goes to church, makes peace with her family, etc. In Malaysia, these bunch go clubbing, drink alcohol, engage in casual sex. Wanna know how to spot a transexual? look for the one with the fake eyelashes, ridiculous heels and the plunging neckline. Its as if once they decided they are women, they are no longer Malay nor Islam. So it begs the question : what IS their primary motivation? What is their problem? Is it that once you embrace an unconventional decision, you have to embrace the other non-conventional norms of your society?

whew, that's a long one. So these are my thoughts on the issue. Do share yours. Take care.

Money Matters?

The incoherent thoughts of this particular girl is put into words once again. This time, after a typical one-sided conversation with my grandmother about family and property.

The way i see it, there are two types of people : the Business-minded, and the Charity-minded. At least in my immediate society, it is always the former that gets the praises & credits. Why? They are creative, full of initiative, opportunistic, and usually successful. It was only in recent years that i've grown to loathe these group of people. Nowadays, i am more inclined towards charity. I am not a saint, and i'm not blowing my trumpet. Its a fact.

I never really understood why people want so much; why most of them say that they 'have to work very hard'. One may argue that i come from a wealthy family, that i have never known financial hardship. Let me make one thing very clear : my FAMILY is wealthy, not me. I dont have a scholarship, so i survive on the monthly allowances my parents give. My car was a gift from my mum because she viewed it a necessity. To me, it was a bonus. I was getting along fine hopping trains & buses.

The business minded. They buy & rent out properties...they set up shop somewhere & start selling things...and they do this in addition to their (usually) adequately-paying full-time job. My question is, WHY? I dont understand the need of taking on additional responsibilities, especially when one is living comfortably as it is. On campus, i see students joining direct-selling groups (which i believe 100% are scams) or renting our their cars. Why? Most likely explanation is that they've spent their allowance on rebonding, or the RM100 present they bought for their girlfriend/boyfriend, bought a new digital camera or topping up the balance when trading in their mobile phones for a newer model. WHY? Apparently all these have become standard 'necessities'. I see fresh, fresh graduates fussing over car payments. Its all for luxury. Just car pool, or take the train. Best example : squatter houses with the ASTRO dish.Keep your money for God's sake. Why do you want to start out in debt? In the end, they complain of having too much 'commitment', 'responsibilities' and can't manage, completely burned out. May i be blunt and say that people own these things because they can afford it; they dont need extra jobs to make it happen. The reason I have all these things is because my parents can afford these things because of their surplus in income, not for the sake of providing them for me. I have these things because i can afford it; you, dont.

My own father was telling me the other day,that he has no money, because what he has now is solely his resource to support him & his wife throughout retirement. We were in his car (mind you, a now 10-year-old S-class Mercedes Benz) mentally doing the math of how much he really needs on a monthly basis. Guess what, it amounted to RM 10,000 a month which i think is completely excessive. I've met patients with 6 kids living with salaries of less than RM1000 a month, and they are FINE. There he is living in a luxury penthouse, smoking Cuban cigars every night, driving an S-class, buying designer shoes & handbags for his wife, spending RM85000 on a watch for himself, buying >RM1000 Mont Blancs as 'stationery', with 6 laptops lying around the house among his blackberry and cutting-edge digital cameras...and you wanna tell me you dont have money? F**K OFF. The only reason you 'dont hv money' is because you want to live like Beckham. Move to a smaller apartment, get a practical car and quit spending on unnecessary things and you'll already have enough to live 100 years.

Back to topic. Its greed. Pure and simple. It may not start out that way, but all business-minded people will reach that state.

I admit, i myself want a cushy lifestyle and i'm happy as long as I have money in reserve to spend when i need, for whatever reason. Anything more than that, i have completely no use for...and i can bet there are a lot of others our there who could use some extra cash. When i was in primary school, talking to a classmate of mine...i just learned that her father was a labourer, 'pekerja buruh'. I felt bad, because i had RM2 in my pocket, and i dont know how much she had. Bear in mind, i was probably 11 at the time, with very little tact but a naive, well-meaning heart. I assumed that she must surely be poor, and i felt sad for her, almost guilty, so i tried to slip a 50sen coin into her pencilcase. She, of course, protested. It has only occured to me now how condecending my actions were, but neither of us felt that way; she knew i just wanted to help.

Personally, i just want enough to support my livelihood. I wish more people would stop trying to chase for wealth. Even now, as a student, i can save RM50-RM100 a month if i dont self-indulge. What more when i work? How much do i really need for myself? I could keep all that money and either give it to charity homes, or i could set them aside as a fund for my own doctors-without-borders project. Free medical treatment or medical education to the rural areas. Adopt a child, a teenager, sponsor their education. Feel too icky about strangers? Then i'm sure you have poorer relatives, or friends, or children of friends. It really doesnt take much. Dont have money? Give your time, lend an ear. You dont have to go so far out to seek strangers. Answer me : when was the last time u had a chat with YOUR grandmother? Or did something for someone just for the sake of it and not because they asked you to? Who is the person working next to you, what is their story? Catch up with an old friend over a cup of coffee.

Charity. It really doesnt take much. Does a person really need three houses as an investment?

I guess that's all. As i've mentioned earlier, i apologize for my incoherence. Till next time, ciao!